I’m sick of having stuff to do every second of the day. I’m sick of filling out countless forms for colleges. Luckily the only form I have left is the Honors application for Elmhurst, and I’m done with that aside from writing the two essays. But now I also have to register for three AP tests [AP Envrio, AP Calculus AB, and Spanish 5 AP]. Plus I need to look into more scholarships.

This weekend is Girl’s Choice by the way. I didn’t ask anybody, which apparently was a bad idea.. But whatthefxckever. I’m just going to go with Amy and Zac. I just want to dance and have fun and not think about school or college or anything of that sort. So yes. Saturday night I shall be a dancing fool. I’m wearing my clubbing outfit: black halter dress and 3″ black heels. We’re also going to get sushi for dinner.. which I’m skeptical on only because fish is iffy with me. I love it, but sometimes when I eat it I feel sick. I personally don’t want to go to a dance where I jump around and where it’s so hot and cramped, then feel like I’m going to vomit on somebody. xD

So what’s new.. let’s see.. I am now in love with the movie Shutter Island. It stars Leonardo DiCaprio plus a bunch of other amazing actors. The movie is a complete brainfxck, for lack of better terms. I went to see it with Katherine and Jeni on Friday night and then I went with my mom this morning. Lovelovelove!

I’ve started using Neopets again because I’m really bored and need more distractions in my life. I also started a new story which is in the works. I completed a few more goals for M101. I’m determined to complete all of them by Christmas eve.

I’m sure there is a ton more to talk about, but I want to start working on updating the outdated pages so I’ll get on that. :]

• Saw Sherlocks Holmes.
• Saw the new Alvin and the Chipmunks movie today.
• Bought a webcam.
• Been playing The Sims 2 like no other.
• Animal Crossing religiously every single day.
• No New Year’s plans.
• Sleepover with Amy tomorrow.
• Still haven’t worked on my homework.

Sherlock Holmes. AMAZING. Go see it. I thought the movie was going to drag on, especially since it was more than two hours but it was the perfect length. Also, I got a Wreck This Journal for Christmas. It’s probably my favourite present so far. Google it, because I’m too damn lazy to find a link. It’s my best friend right now. That and the neon six pack of nail polish I got from Claire’s. Yeah, my nails are currently reppin’ a neon rainbow right now.

My final thing to speak about is how to act on the internet. A stupid, obvious topic. It’s sort of a rant to one or two specific people. All I have to say is this: don’t post it if you don’t want someone to see it. It doesn’t matter if you don’t want one specific person to see it, or a group of people. Someone will find it, even if they don’t say anything about it. My rule for posting is this: if I don’t care, I’ll post it public. If I want certain people to see it, then I’ll password protect it. If it’s too personal that I don’t want anybody to see it at all, I don’t post it at all. That sort of stuff is for my private files or notebooks.

Christmaswise is the same as usual. Going to my Gramma’s for Christmas Eve then on Christmas day, I’m going to my aunt’s house. I’m thinking of probably posting a list of everything I get because I like having records of that stuff, yo. So this is random, but I have a giant Gumby plush beside me who is dressed like Santa with a giant toy sack and whatnot. I went on eBay to see if I could find a picture to post and apparently someone is selling one of these things for $200. I wonder if it’s really worth that much.. not that I’d sell. I love Gumby too dearly. But dang. My aunt gave this plushie to me a few years ago simply because I was looking at it one Christmas and I was like “wow, this is cool” and she was like “oh, just take it.” Okay. Cool with me. I have my own Gumby collection starting now haha.

[x]

First order of business. I got this guy:

Meet Buck. He is my new puppy that I got this past Sunday! He’s a 8-week old yellow lab pup and ahsjhl he’s adorable, is he not? I think so. He enjoys biting my clothes and hands though.. which is pissing me off to no end. I know he’s a puppy but good God.

I went ice skating last night which was enjoyable. Most of my friends were there so that was cool. Today I went to the mall with Kylee and Kimi, my two bestest swimming friends. :] In addition to that, I went to the library and got some movies and books. One is a Postsecret book and I love it dearly.

In other news, I don’t feel like Christmas is in less than a week. I haven’t really done much. I listened to all of the Cinnamon Bear episodes during Thanksgiving break, and then I finished my shopping for gifts awhile ago.. I haven’t watched a single holiday movie yet. I also can’t stand listening to the local Christmas music radio station either. It’s not that I all of a sudden hate Christmas, but I’m just.. not ready for it yet. I feel like this year is just zipping by, you know? Bah.

I’m writing this because I have so many questions, and while I wish you were here to answer them, I know you won’t be. You’ll never see this and odds are I will probably never speak with you again for whatever reason. You’ve disappeared within the past three years and I don’t know why. Maybe you’ve just become busy.. too busy to keep in touch. Or maybe you’re dead. I don’t know. I honestly can assume the latter because you seemed so unhappy whenever I talked to you.. but I really hope you’re still here somewhere.

I can’t remember when or how we met. Sixth grade maybe? I think so. There’s a good chance you stopped talking to me about the lie. You said you weren’t mad and that it wasn’t a big deal. I can’t help but think it was. I really was sorry. I really looked up to you throughout the four or five years that I talked to you. I saw you not only as one of my good friends, but as an older brother. I know I wasn’t able to understand the things you were going through, but I did try to listen and give you advice. You were much better at it than I was.

Mostly I guess I just want to know where you are and why you left. It’s not like I can just go to Texas and find you. Remember when we used to talk about hanging out sometime? You’re what.. twenty one now I think. You have no idea how much I really needed you here for the past three years. Since you didn’t know much about me [although I think you knew quite a bit about me], that seemed to make you understand me better than most people.

The last time I really talked to you was during the Superbowl when I was thirteen. Since then I’ve maybe talked to you once or twice. Not since freshman year though. When I think of how many people I’ve lost touch with, I’ve realized there have been a lot of them, but I feel physical pain when I think of you. I don’t know why.. you weren’t exactly the most influential person in my life or anything.. but you were really important to me and the way I matured.

I still look for you to come online. I’ve tried to contact you numerous times, but you’ve never responded. I hate to say that I give up but there’s really nothing else I can do because you don’t even come online anymore. You’ve compeltely cut off all ties with me and I feel so hurt from that.

I wish you the best with whatever you’re doing now. I hope you got your car all pimped out and whatever you were doing. It sounded pretty awesome when you last told me about it. I also hope you’re music stuff is working out too. I really would have come to Texas to chill with you. I can’t think of a proper way to end this letter. There’s probably so much more I still want to say/write but what’s the point? It’s been years. You’re not coming back into my life anytime soon. I just want you to know that I haven’t forgotten about you. You were such a great person.

Lots of love,
Bernie

I also just realized that I have been gaming for quite some time. I think I was about eight or so when I got my first systems, Nintendo 64 and Gameboy Colour. In all those years [11 if I added right..] I have only ever successfully completed one game, almost two. Both of them were Hamtaro games for Gameboy. I got to the ending of both games, but there was one.. something to do with rainbows, and I got to the end, then you had to go around afterwards and deliever 50 or so letters to random hamsters and animals.. too much pointless work, since the game already said I completed it.

I guess I’m just one for “never-ending” games haha. My two favourite series are The Sims and Animal Crossing, both of which can go on forever and ever. ^_^ I suppose I just hate knowing I’ve finished a game and if I want to play, I’d have to go through the same adventure over and over again. Boring indeed.

After Paper Mario I’m thinking of either trying to get 100% completion of Diddy Kong Racing 64 [I don't know if that even has 64 on the title, but since most of the Nintendo 64 games do.. I'll add one just in case?] or I’ll possibly do Donkey Kong 64, but I suck at that stupid game. I have tried over and over to beat it, but for some reason that game is so creepy and it freaks me out xD I’m a wimp. I wish I had the two LoZ games for N64. Those were so awesome! Or Banjo Kazooie. *is sad*

I Never Thought I’d Die Alone

Come with me
I don’t know dude
I can’t believe the news today
First off, I can’t keep a promise
Whatcha doing tonight?

We’ve run out of words
Every single day I walk down the street
I got time on my hands tonight
Can you hear the music playing?
I believe in you and me

I used to think I had the answer to everything
I’m used to standing in line to clubs I’ll never get in
When I find myself in times of touble, Mother Mary comes to me
Let me tell you the story about the call that changed my destiny
Shorty ain’t got cable

So deep that it didn’t even bleed
Take me to the place where the white boys dance
I mean what can I say?
Now believe me when I tell you that my song is really true
I never made it as a wise man